If you drink enough vodka it tastes like love.

milliondollapussy:

American Hero 

"I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven’t slept all night, I’m starved, and I’m armed! Don’t mess with me!"

knitmeapony:

egobus:

one time when I was about four, the 10 year old neighbour boys attacked me with water guns and when I ran away and told my mom she gave me the hose and set it to pressure wash and basically told me to finish what they started  

Excellent parenting.

ocebutt:

dooptown:

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BRING YOUR GUN TO THE GROCERY STORE

how does america even function like it sounds like a video game or something. grand theft freedom.

coolscar:

cyandye:

coolscar:

*mr krabs voice* secret formuler 

*plankton voice* hand it over krabs

*mr krabs voice* eat a dick plankton 

I have a GENIUS idea for a TV show. Half cat;half dog. No, no. I already have the perfect name. Get this. “Catdog”. No, don’t worry about how it poops. You’re disgusting. This is a kids show
Someone at nickelodeon like 20 years ago (via juliepowers)
It’s when you hide things that you choke on them.
Charles Bukowski (via purplebuddhaproject)

the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

the internet summed up in one gif set

I have scars on my hands from touching certain people
J. D. Salinger (via wordsnquotes)
Our goodbye kiss had lasted years.
David Jones, Love & Space Dust (via yoursixwordstory)

amypop:

I’m so angry. I will stay angry.

joycouture:

A morning with good coffee and good friends

joycouture:

A morning with good coffee and good friends

So I ask the American commentators, please stop announcing that Landon Donovan is the “all-time U.S. leading goal scorer.” He is not. With 57 international goals, he’s not even in the Top Five.

The all-time U.S. leading goal scorer is Abby Wambach, with 167 goals, followed by Mia Hamm (158), Kristine Lilly (130), Michelle Akers (105) and Tiffeny Milbrett (100). In fact, Abby Wambach is the all-time leading goal scorer in the world, among all soccer players, male or female.

there-was-no-other-sound:

rnultiplayer:

wanna know what a cow looks like washed and blow dried?

image

image

that is what a cow looks like washed and blow dried

FLUFFY MILK HORSE